Living with Anxiety and Depression

 In honor of September being Suicide Awareness Month...I'd like to talk about mental health and the importance of talking to your "happy" friends. 

"Just be happy"..."You were fine yesterday"..."Cheer up"..."Snap out of it"

These are just a few things that have been said to me or I have heard being said to others. The truth is, it's really not that simple. Maybe I really was fine yesterday, but maybe not. Maybe I was fine an hour ago, but maybe not. Sometimes the people with the biggest smiles are the ones who are struggling the most. Sometimes I want to crawl in bed and just cry. And no, I do not always know why. 

You see...people like to glamorize anxiety & depression and treat it likes it's a joke. And that's what makes mental health so hard to talk about. It's difficult to really know if someone is being serious. The problem is, I live with it everyday and trying to help my coworkers understand is hard. This is especially true when half of them are old fashioned and mental health was a taboo subject when they were younger. I'd love to just be happy everyday, but the truth is, sometimes I am actually hanging on by a thread. Now, let me make one thing very clear.... I have never attempted or even thought of ending my own life, but I know people who have. When I say "hanging on by a thread" I mean I am close to hiding away in my room to just sleep and cry. There are days or even weeks where I have given all the energy I can give and I need a mental break. 

I have been seeking therapy for nearly two years. In the beginning and up until very recently, I would say that therapy was helping. I learned a lot of coping mechanisms to use if I am ever feeling anxious or having overwhelming negative thoughts. These actually worked and even sometimes still do. However, I have been struggling a lot more recently. Last week was a particularly bad week for me. I cried a lot. I have been in a major emotional rut lately. Times like this, I really don't want to talk to anyone. In fact, sometimes days will go by before I even send a single text and that's even if someone has reached out to me. With that being said, I decided to move on to what I would consider to be the next steps in helping myself. I made an appointment with a psychologist.

Here is some advice that many people told me that I wish I had followed. Never be afraid to fight and advocate for yourself. Seeking help is nothing to be shameful of. In fact, acknowledging that you could use some extra help is the first and most important step. There is also nothing wrong with needing medication. I have spent so much time thinking I was being silly or that I could do it on my own, but I finally admitted I needed assistance. Living in a state of sadness is a way I no longer want to live. So here is to making changes and working on a better me.